So-called Crisis

life plays at its funniest ways, but so far its been treating me well i guess. i mean mushy-crush-fling-stuff aren't suppose to bring me down or anything right? i mean, there's got to be more to life other than that, right? other than those feelings that grows stronger everyday and unfortunately there's no answer to it. its so funny how a simple wish could take so long to happen. goddammit i need to fucking move on. if my friends could do it,

why cant i?

i hate how i'm changing into whatever i think he thinks its ideal and he's not even mine.

Stacie's

Sometimes the pleasures I see in this world

look so attractive to me

some days I'm driven by the things that I want

more than the things that I need

when I'm weakest

they sparkle the brightest its true

but they'll never shine brighter than you

when my mind is uncertain

my heart keeps holdin on

my eyes deceive me and turn away

to the places that I left behind

cant trust these voices that lead me a stray

always confusing my mind

but the truth is you've captured my heart I know

and there's no way i'll ever let go

when my mind is uncertain

my heart keeps holdin on

Paolo's

Everybody's got opinions,
Their own versions of a good idea.
But the best one I can think of now,
Is to make sure that I keep you near.

Taylor's

Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I've met you

Cant help it if there's no one else

I cant help myself

Buble's

All I do is dream of you the whole night through

With the dawn I still go on dreamin' of you

You're every thought, you're everything

You're every song I ever sing

Summer, a winter, autumn and spring

And were there more than twenty four hours in a day

That'd be spent in sweet content just dreamin' away

When skies are gray, when skies are blue

Morning, noon, and nighttime too

All I do the whole day through is dream of you

Mulan's

When things are getting crazy
And you don't know where to start
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart

When all the world around you
It seems to fall apart
Keep on believing baby
Just be true to your heart

Ass-ignments

Is it just me or designing the interior of an apartment is super stressful? Deciding every detail, picking every piece of furniture but still considering how each of the items match to each other (dont forget the colours). How it has to combine perfectly with the flooring and wall materials that you've chosen. Combining all of those elements with your client's personality. Deciding where to put all the lightings and ceiling plans. If I had to choose an icon from yahoo messenger, it'd be AT WITS END! Just tell me, is it just me or do every to-be-designer feel the same way? And by the way, this is just the beginning, the first big assignment (and i'm already whining)

Remind me to buy this partition for my future home (YEAH RIGHT IT'S FREAKIN $3,600)

I've always wanted one of these wardrobes. I guess it's just simple like there's no need opening the doors and ofcourse, I can always see my clothes anytime haha i know right --> what a freak.

So yeah, this particular dream of mine was crushed by the fact that at my place where I live, the weather's not so friendly. Talk about the heavy pollution! All I remember is my mom saying it over and over again "No, there would be no point in washing your clothes anymore, because it would be dusty anyway" WHAT A BUMMER!

Moving on.....

As you can guess, I want this vintage-suitcase-storage. My definition of cool :)

OK ENOUGH, GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK!

Quote of the day: "Trying is tiring but it is the only way to succeed."

Future

Will I make my parents proud until the end?

Will I be able to give back as much as they've given me?

Will I be what i've always wanted to be in life?

Will it work out well for me?

Will I find that someone i've always wanted?

Will I get the specific one?

Will I be as happy as my aunt, who has the perfect family, a loving husband with 2 beautiful childs. A girl who's still very small yet smart enough she hangs out with people far from her own age, and a baby boy who's as handsome as his father.

Will I get a husband who loves his kids, just like my father? The man who worries too much about making us happy, who listens to every problems we have even the stupidest ones and never laughs or looks down on it, who made me realize that being overprotective comes out of love.

For all the criticisms I've made over my friends' boyfriends, will I myself have the perfect relationship?

For all the criticisms I've made over divorced celebrities or sluts who steals peoples' bastards, will I have the perfect marriage?

For all the criticisms I've made over gays and such, will I have a perfectly straight child?

Will I grow up to be known and respected, like my grandfather? Someone who's still remembered even after years of death.

Will I grow up and still be independent even after my husband dies, like my grandmother? Will I be as loving as her? Will I be her? She who made me realize how painful it felt to lose the one you really love.

Will I have grandchildrens who'd love me soooo much, just as much as I loved mine? Will they miss me just as much as I miss mine? Will I still be in their heart even when I'm gone? Will they pray me heaven? So I can meet mine.....

Will I get my happy ending in and after life?

So the feeling's sad today. I haven't dealt with death in a while but someone from my big family is suffering right now. I love how everyone is gathered to give him support, but I hate watching someone going through a lot of pain. I hate to see the victim's kids faces who in the end cant do anything but pray, I hate why people have to be sick. I hate why people can't just die calmly, without screaming and crying over their pain. I hate to see the process.

So I began to imagine, what if I was watching the person I really loved going through the same exact thing? What if I was there? What if I don't want to? What if I cant? Does that mean I dont care?

Quote of the day:
"May you live to be 100, and me, 100, but minus a day so I'll never know beautiful people like you have passed away" -Rachel Getting Married

How Warm

help me imagine... so i'm living in Italy making money since i've been working there for years as an interior designer. wait, winter's coming it's going to be cold. what would i buy?

absolutely t-totally these.

Quote of the day:

"Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams."

Wanting

I WANT THE JUMPSUIT

I WANT THE MAXI VEST

I WANT THE DRESS

I WANT THE JACKET

Cardigans

Is This Love?

HELL YEAH!

FROM ALL THE LOOKS I'VE SEEN, THIS IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WEAR COMPLETELY FROM TOP TO BOTTOM. SERIOUSLY I'M IN LOVE.

Simply Want You

you invade my dreams,

camp out in the corners of my mind,

and occupy my heart.

(and that makes me happy)

Break a Silence

• I love driving with an empty mind going absolutely anywhere the road brings me, singing along with my recently favourite cd while eating favourite meals. It is the perfect multi-tasking ever. And the best part: a full load in the tank!
• I have everything that I could possibly want and need. I always think I'm born spoiled but I'm cautious anyway and grateful for it all. There's just ONE thing though, one thing that's just too hard to get. The very one thing I want right here right now, it's HIM. only HIM, really. Well whoever made the quote "Money can't buy you love" is a genius. Can't buy you happiness either :)

But a friend of mine found a quote which says:

“Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.”

ROTFLMAO!!

and another one:

Money isn’t everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen - Rita Davenport

Oh well, still no one can be bought, right? He probably would be the most expensive thing I've ever wan't if he was an object, yes he would be that worthy.

• A friend of mine got me stuck with this song I'm listening over and over lately. Damn, it's haunting me, crawling under my skin. Have you found a song that's just so you? Haha I don't care how cheesy I might sound, but I found mine. Love the singer too!

I love you but it’s not so easy to make you here with me

I wanna touch and hold you forever

But you’re still in my dream

I used to hide and watch you from a distance and i knew you realized

I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say... “hello”

And I never thought that I’m so strong

I stuck on you and wait so long

but when love comes it can’t be wrong

Don’t ever give up just try and try to get what you want

• My mom buys me all these interior design books I want including imported ones, but she doesn't know I have the lowest grade in class. You think I want low grades? All my life I've been thinking this is the perfect major for me, and now I'm failing.
• I looooove being alone, you don't have to care about anything, seriously. You don't have to care about anyone's feelings, you don't have to talk about feelings, you don't have to care about your actions, especially the consequences. Ah my room is my kingdom.
• I wouldn't trade my parents for anyone else's, I love them and that's that.
• My best listeners, my favourite people, the people on my speed-dial: Bokyung Lee, Ridhwan Rasid, Dean Mutia, Ardiyasa Faundra, Diza Diandra and Teuku Mirza (the people I would never ever ever take for granted anymore)

Nowaday Life

Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Soda becomes vodka. Kisses turn into sex. And that's how we grow up.

I found this from one of my friend's status in facebook ofcourse. Got me thinking... well it's true. I'm not dumb or innocent, atleast I know what's going on. Alhamdulillah I'm not close to any of those bold words up there. I have to admit I'm scared because you never know what tomorrow will bring you. I never knew that one day people would only define you 'COOL' by doing or tasting all those stuff. I never knew that those kind of stuff would be a daily thing to some people. I never knew that today I'd be near one of those people. I never knew coming home late night would be cool too. I never knew that going out on a saturday night would be a must-thing to do. Call me conservative, I dont mind.

Burn!

Pernah ngga pulang ke rumah tapi nyesel udah pulang?

Haha ngga segitunya sih tapi kemaren pulang-pulang langsung ditanya
"udah punya pacar blum?"

seriously burn down the question for bidden sake, let me breathe!
i know i'll find someone someday, someone me and my parents would love to death

minggu lalu dengerin ceramah pas sepupu nikah
ustad bilang "ada kenalan saya pergi keluar negri demi nyari jodoh, udah bertahun-tahun disana pulangnya ngga bawa siapa-siapa. Eh pas udah disini, dia naik angkot dan ngobrol sama perempuan disebelahnya, taunya cocok dan akhirnya nikah. Jadi inti dan hikmah dari cerita ini adalah sering-seringlah naik angkot, kalau mau cepet nemu jodoh."

ibu yang kebetulan duduk disebelah ketawa-ketawa terus nyeletuk "tuh pril"
and i gave her the straightest expression of my straight-faced look

Gotta Love Mary

Random Quotes

mom and kids

Mom came home yesterday sat by us (her kids) and here's how it went:

mom: "Wah ada 5 sms blm kebaca" (sambil dibuka satu per satu + dibacain)
mom: "hmm mandiri, anak pertama, anak kedua, anak ketiga, anak keempat"

isi sms....
anak pertama: "bu, disana baru gempa? kerasa ngga?"
anak kedua: "bu, kalo mau ke metro bareng ya, ksana yu bu!" (btw lg one-day-sale up to 70%)
anak ketiga: "bu, hari ini aku mau makan di d'cost ya!"
anak keempat: "bu, dimana? babap kemana?"

ibu ketawa, keras banget kita semua kaget.

she says....

"ini anak2 ko beda-beda semua gini smsnya ya tapi selalu deh
yang pertama selalu sms tentang berita
yang kedua selalu sms tentang belanja
yang ketiga smsnya tentang makan melulu
dan yang keempat selalu nanyain posisi"

and that was my favourite quote of the day :)

Crappity Crap Crap

i dont know what i'm going through lately, is it something like middle-life crisis? i mean for my age. ugh i just dont know. i keep thinking about things i dont really have to think about. its plain useless haha. but cant help it so i guess its just how it is.



i hate this especially when i want to write something exciting for this blog but these are the words that pops out. its freakin getting on my nerves. i feel like writing the things i bought this month but the emotional feelings are stronger. yada-yadda-yaddaa



argh fuck pms. i hate mood swings. its driving me insaaaaaane. its like i dont even know what i want and thats purely annoying. i'd be like going out of the house excited for college then when i arrive i dont feel like coming into class. then i'd be going back to my car then at that time wanting to go back to class. seriously, what the fuck.



maybe, maybe i think i need a medium cup of pinklicious with mochi and oreo topping or maybe a double cheeseburger and a set of Mcnuggets with sweet&sour sauce. or maybe a plate of Godzilla or Lucky Luke. Yeah, maybe.

Can't Help Myself

there's so many thing i've learned nowadays it's not even funny

you try to open your eyes a little, and there you see many unexpectable things

you try to not care about it, but it stays there right in front of your innocent eyes

i've learned that it's not always about you

to live you've got to understand others

you can't always demand them to do the same way

you just have to be patient

people are people and sometimes they change their minds

then all you can do is let them be

i know this sounds sad

that i've been eager for this whole makeover

when the boy goes off asking out another girl

when i'm here thinking

well there's nothing else i can possibly do

what, to catch him still?

i would, i don't care what people think

because he is a real catch

he is what i've always wanted

there's one thing though

she's cheer captain and i'm on the bleachers

hahaha

i know i fall too easy sometimes

but they're all typical, they're all the same

they won me by charisma, the quality of their brains

not so easy to find you got to admit

i know i don't say much

show any emotions whatsoever

that's why when all the girls are tossing rocks at your window

i'd be here waiting even if it's cold

still i can't remember how many people i've told

but its the criticism and support that i love so much

you tend to suck it all in because you're just so eager

eager for him to notice, eager for him to realize

they tell me different things, mostly good alhamdulillah

and eventhough there are little bumps in the road

they tell me to keep on keeping on

nothing soothes me more than to hear people say that i deserve what i want

everyday i pray to be given the best for me and for God

but holy month's over, when i thought prayers worked better

does that mean he's not best for me too?

when i'm so naive thinking he's nothing but perfect

well who am I to say, ofcourse God knows best!

when all i wanted was to be wanted

i guess He's still asking me to wait

I messaged my ex

asking for forgiveness since its lebaran

just wondering if it could erase all the karma

or maybe karma is just in my head

i dont know, i just want to start another story

P.S: once i had a crush on this boy who was smart and all, but figured out he talked about people behind their back. WOW how it turned down the feeling. I mean seriously, that's what GIRLS do come on!

Nothing but the Truth

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Got a Friend Like Ben

posting everyday, must be in the mood of a blog-newbie...

Hmm.. anyway I think no matter how tough the day goes by, nothing matters if you've got a friend like Ben hehe. Alhamdulillah I've got mine. I can always call 'Ben' when I'm facing any problems. He'd be there listening and giving me advise, smart ones because sometimes girls just dont use their logic, just being pure emotional. He'd be there late night (because he sleeps during the day haha) but sometimes not because I guess he sleeps both day and night..


Anyhow, it's always good to know you have someone who can tell what you've done wrong and how to fix it. I wish I could be like 'Ben' instead of the one who seeks for advise. Fasting month is up, I guess its time for me to apologize to everyone for every wrong doing. Sorry I'm truly, truly sorry by the way.. Lets start from the beginning, lets reborn hehe.









P.S: Thank you 'Ben' :)

Quote of the Day: "One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."- Euripides

Recommended Movie: Hannah Montana the Movie (hehehe)

This Month's Crave

Yup, like the title shown apparently every month I have this pregnant woman feeling which is craving. Craving for food is nothing weird but this month I am craving for heels, high heels. Suddenly I'm thinking girly, which I like anyway. First I thought I was desperate for this wedding I had to go to, but even after that I still wanted it so bad! So I kept looking for it.. and finally I got my first paid-myself high heels, hahaha what a feeling.

Charles&Keith were a lifesaver, I mean Nine West and Next were a real catch but talk about the price, its definitely the get-a-freakin-job-first price. Anyway I dont know how long this craving is going to last, but I hope it stays long enough because I'm in the mood for a shoe collection hehe. I have'nt felt this girly since the times I was a pink-colour fanatic! Did I just say that? Oh well.

PS: Never hesitate, it might be gone tomorrow.

But never regret, it's just not meant to be yours, hehe

Tell 'em that it's Human Nature

Anyway, I got inspired by someone I currently fell in like with, that is why I made this blog. His words were very very touching and quite different from other blogs I read. Yeah he used english but very very simple and understandable. Many things I like about this guy but many things on my mind which makes me just plain confused how to get his attention. Hehe, well as pathetic as it may sound, I just want to write like him for the moment.

Hahaha, so yeah writing's pretty exciting.. I do have a diary but seriously, whats wrong with that? There's just some stuff you cant blurt out to your friends and family. Like the little signs you get from the guy you like, I write it all in it because you just know, a little locked-up book like that would never judge you even at your feet-off-the-ground moments. Anyway I love the feeling of looking at the old pages, smiling/disgusted through it all and be thinking "WHAT? I USED TO LIKE THAT BOY?" its funny how everything that had happened and what I felt would turn into a what-the-hell-was-I-thinking thought in the future. Though some are still high hopes :-)

Hmm.. so tomorrow's the first day of learning interior design (big smile!), am so excited by the way. Dreamt of it since how long I cant remember. So curious also, what the people might be like. Would there be bullies like in high school? What else am I gonna learn in the art of human nature?

Talk about bullies, well I know they bully for a reason, but who are they? Beyonce? singing "I talk like that cuz I can back it up"? You know I've come to realize they're not even perfect (who is?), but they have huge guts to do it anyway. I've once been bullied so I hate seeing people being bullied, but what is a school without its bullies right? It would be just plain boring, haha fuck that. In the end news about those bullies not getting accepted in (well-known) college or at any college cheered me up anyway. Hey, I'm human, I love karma on people. Yaya I believe Lady K exists. But I feel lucky enough I dont feel as pressured as the well known actress who's been talked on tv for days. I have no intention to make a "Chris Crocker" video or anything close to that. I'll let things go-around-come-around itself, hehe.

PS: Even the cutest and most fashionable guy around isnt perfect afterall, if you know what I mean. Trust me, go figure!

Quote of the day: "Everybody should be nice to everybody" -Andy Warhol

Recommended Movie: He's Just Not That into You!