Patience

I wish one day I'd have the chance to pursue everything I haven't figured out today, and that day I'd be free, writing things I've always wanted to write, by that time I'd be reading pages I've always wanted to read, in my own time, as my own self, till' forever onwards I'd be happy, as the woman I've always wanted to be.

That particular day, even when it's still as blurry as the car's window pane on a rainy day, I will always look forward to that day. To the day I am fully independent, with the love of my future.

That day, that day the greatest man in my heart and mind, my one and only father, would smile, from the bottom of his heart, and seen right through his eyes. My mother, need I explain?

And God knows how badly I'd like to fast forward to that day.
But I guess it's the process that matters most.

God is Great

He gives us breakdowns to keep us humble
He gives us enough time to stitch back the broken pieces
He gives us something to laugh about by the time our hearts mend

He GIVES.

I don't know what this is, but after all these years even after you slip slowly out of my way, I still think fondly of you? After seeing you finally since 3 years ago, I still have the butterflies worms lizards all kinds of tickling animals in my stomach heart kidney every part of my body? After I went home I couldn't start to sleep just thinking about how short our conversation went, about the voice I've been longing to hear, the hand I've been longing to touch and the eyes I've been longing to see face to face? And the next day I can only wonder and keep on wondering where we'll be headed because no matter how accepting I'd have to be about whatever that comes along my days I can assure you how it'd be hard to possibly stand watching you end up with someone else, why is that still so? Why do I dream and only dream of a future with you, spend my mornings noons and nights with you and everything related to you? Why is it that we are hardly near each other even though distance only separates us by two quick hours but you're still the hardest stranger I can't imagine letting go as if there's no other male out of gazillions of humans on earth?

and I can only wish one day I'll hear the words I've always felt for you.
and hopefully from you.

Bits of Thoughts

Deep down......
I'd love to pull off a look like this in the future career life,

then come home to spend my time like this,

and at the end of the day to enjoy life like this and with you,
someone I can talk to, yet be silent with.

P.S. From the deepest part of my heart, I still love the color pink :)

God and His way

It's ridiculously ridiculous how God keeps balancing your feelings. You can never be too happy, never be too sad. Somewhere up there, He's watching me go through all this, wondering how far I can cope with all this whatchamacallit? Shit? Yes, exactly that. And maybe challenging my faithfulness? I keep telling myself "Stop with the whining, life's not that bad, in fact not bad at all, you're just not getting who you want(when you want it), you've got everything else in hand". Every moment has its meaning, every moment He planned for, we as his creations just never know. The simplest events like you were pissed for being late then somebody suddenly showed up and made your day. Something you didn't plan at all, and d'oh who are we to plan? Reminded me of what Summer said...

Summer: Well, you know, I guess it's 'cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Gray and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and... now he's my husband.
Tom: Yeah. And... so?
Summer: So, what if I'd gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I'd gotten there 10 minutes later? It was - it was meant to be.

Then I thought what if I'd left early like I wanted to? It would be a different story. And somehow I just need to get this inside my head that.....

Girl: "Yeah, I mean they say time is everything"
Boy: "Yeah, timing is everything"

Forget the Past, This is the Present

Another quote from someone's status(somehow facebook's becoming inspirational): "Dear life, when I asked you could my day get any worse, I meant it as a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

LOL!

Capital H..I..M

"They say, give it time,
Give it time and it will fall in line
But I, keep wondering how and when and why I haven't met you"